on top of mole hills

Lately I've noticed people on Facebook stating what they are thankful for leading up to Thanksgiving day.  A nice thing to do, but I'll do it here in my online cubby hole instead of my online loudspeaker.  Today and everyday I'm thankful for my wife and son.  Here's why.

This week has been trying.  Too many people with issues, too many mountains from mole hills topped off with lack of planning, communication and enthusiasm.  I've never seen anything quite like it.  It can all really smoother that spark that keeps me going through the day; for me it's usually the want to do a job well, putting a good face to my workplace.

Luckily I have my wife and new son to come home to and recharge me.  OK, he can sure drain what energy I may have left at 2am, BUT his "coo's" and smiles trump most all of that sort of thing.  Him falling asleep on my chest as I lounge on the sofa for a bit after I get home, awesome.  Best part, he doesn't even know what he's doing for me, only that dad's a comfy spot to sleep on, dad's doing his job at home for him.  I can only hope I did the same for my dad when he came home from a world that just didn't makes sense to something that was so simple, and so innocent that finding a any confusion to it or any real wrong with it was impossible.    

stupidly scared?

That being said, I wanted to finish it now, but know I can't; it was totally one of those posts spawned from a moment that I can't replicate. This post I started a week before my son was born.  You'll note the line "having a baby in less then two weeks", and we did, he was 10 days early.  I'll save the rest for after your read the post.

I did it now.  I decided to look at the Walt Disney World website.  That may not seem like a big deal and some of you may be asking, "Matt...why?  Where could he be going with this?"  Surrounded by baby stuff, cute everythings starring back with plastic eyes and knit smiles, I had a flashbacks.  My parents took us to Walt Disney World a total of 4 times growing up; I think I was 13 the last time.  We rarely went to any shore or beach.  Never crossed the Mississippi or ate shrimp and grits.  No, we headed down 95 South, flew and took a train to the most magical place on earth.

While part of me has thought how it would have been nice to explore and see more on the "big" family vacations, the other side of my brain wants to go back...badly...now.  I think it's that total fantasy that Disney is about.  Made up worlds and characters created to stir up imagination and joy . . . pure, joy.

So here I sit, just moments ago having looked the website, but I got no further then clicking on two tabs then I had to close it out and get on here.  I had all kinds of sad, bummed out thoughts crash in on me.  Why?  This is Disney Matt!  Remember?  Joy!  Pure Joy!?  Yeah, I remembered, then thought about how here we are diving into buying a house, in two days and having a baby in less then two weeks (well, OK I know around then).  All's I see are dollar bills, plastered over day care doors, buckled into car seats, running the length of wiring and plumbing.  I imagine not being able to take my kid to Disney, and that sucks.

I guess I feel I lost something out of all those trips.  I drew, I drew a lot.  I wanted to be an animator or "imagineer" for Disney.  I wanted to create things that brought smiles on and entertained and made memories. 

OK, there is it.  We closed on our house in the hospital, the day after our little guy was born.  The next week we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.  A week and a half later, my birthday.  Pile it on!  Pile it high!  I've survived so far.  I didn't realize that the scariest thing was going back to work after being on paternity leave for two weeks.

hues and tints in action

When a day starts out with a dark sky and a gray mindset, it's nice to find reward in whatever way I can.  One thing I always tell myself is to not to neglect others or put tasks or my job just because I'm in a crappy mood.  It's not fair to them.  I'm tired, but feeling that whatever energy I have should be expended on something positive, like making someone else's day easier.  It's like some soap added into the wash water to help take some of that gray staining my mindset.

absurdity well worth it

Having just become a dad only just over 10 days ago, a part of me that went dormant due to work, "real-life", stress and all that great stuff has come out again.  I've become nicely tenderized by the flurry of sickeningly adorable onesy with bear head feet, stuffed animals, baby smells and children's books.  I've gotten goofy (yeah, I know, more like goofier, still not the same as dorky) and want to see my little guy smile at it so badly...all in time, I know he'll be rolling his eyes at me as a teenage in no time.  It got me to begin writing some fun poems that were inspired by family, friends and events that only came about due to "baby gatherings" - pre and post birth.  So here's a sampling, all due to my brother:

I lost my ring at the wigwam build
About an hour ago now
I took it off, dropped it in my pocket
Thinking I'd keep it safe and sound

I lost my ring at the wigwam build
Checked my pants, coat and shirt
Found only, oh no! a hole!
Some lint and some dirt

I lost my wing at the wigwam build
Now my stomach begins to ache,
My tongue is numbing
And my hands tremble and shake

I wost my wing at the wigwam build
Picked through the branches weally well
I doubt it'll ever be found
If this is where it fell!

I lost my wing and hope at the wigwam build
My wegs now dangle from da car twunk
HoooWaah! this woooks like it!
Perhaps my ship hasn't sunk!

I found my ring in my car, at the wigwam build
I couldn't be more happy or pleased
Now to leave this wigwam behind
Oh...no, where are my keys?!

Siiiigh, I wost my keys at the wigwam build . . .

Copyright Matt Mickletz 2011

extreme annoyance

Many of us in this crazy economic climate are looking more and more to save a buck, to stretch a buck, to get our monies worth, etc etc.  It's nice to get "2 for 1" or "Buy on get one Free" if we can, at least it's something I like that takes the sting at the check-out.  If I have a coupon handy for $5 off at a hardware store, I'll use it if I need something, if not give it away or just forget about it.  I'm not about to go out and buy something I don't need for $20 to get that $5 off, just to say I did.  How thrifty is that?  Right, not at all!

"Extreme Couponing" and the "Extreme Couponers"can go jump off a cliff.  I haven't been able to pay less then full-price for razors, or my deodorant or dish soap because the shelves were cleared before I could get to the store to pick up these simple, essential items that I don't buy everyday.  Neither my wife nor myself is typically off during a weekday to shop or clip and organize hundreds of coupons.  We go when we have time and/or need food.   
The old "if you take that much food, Billy, you have to eat it!" from Mom, comes to mind.  These people with shelves upon shelves of instant rice, salad dressing, paper towels, my deodorant and dish soap, taking over their children's bedrooms and the garage to store it all.  Is this living successfully or does it really just personify America's gluttony for more, more, more in the form of a plump 30-something house-wife with 2 kids and maybe OCD. 

The idea of "extreme" stuff is what America has become turned-on to. "Extreme Sports", which turned into the "X Games" comes to mind.  The"extreme obesity" of adults and children no-a-days that launched "extreme weight-loss" reality shows.  Hording, a hot topic on the tube, a result of extremes.  People rather seeing seeing their piles rot then give anything away.

When we are finally surrounded by all the cheap and free stuff we can handle, it will collapse, smothering us with the plastic of a thousand Ramen packets. 

P.S. - Yes, I saw the episode where the guy donated the food to his church.  So, OK, one good one in the bunch. 

helping hands

Well, I didn't just "sit there", I indeed got up and got away from the computer and did stuff, then last week happened.  Every evening was filled with something scheduled and by the time I got to sit down I was too tired to get back up.  This computer is still poisoning my productivity, sitting on a warm sofa on a hot evening, sweating.  The house hunt started out well; yep, got a loan so here we go.

Remember that scene in the movie "Labyrinth" where the girl is falling down a shaft of "helping hands"?  Yeah, that's about the feel right now . . . down we go, then stopping to talk to the hands helping us, then down, then stop because we realize some hands further down will reach in our pockets to take our cash, sooo, do we continue down quickly or slow it down?  Life is well personified by that shaft with hands.  Some hands help, others take, other push you on your way, no questions asked, no stopping you, some giving you a high-five, then one flips you off.

OK, so let's see where we're taken.  I'm a bit frustrated, a bit scared, a bit anxious, a bit of everything a guy my age in this situation might have going on inside of him.  Deep breathes and beer for now.

don't just sit there!

I've had a passing thought, it's gone through my mind everyday more then once a day for the past week.  I blame it on wanting to be able to buy a house (well, OK, get a loan to buy one) and have money after all the closing costs and downpayment.  I feel secure in my job and can't say I hate it and it's bringing in some money, not lots.  But, as you would learn from my last post, I'm growing discontent with accepting this life I lead as the way it must be.

So, this passing thought.  Stop talking about art and writing and do it.  I have notes scribbled down, drawings and paintings started and there they sit.  TV has ruined me, so has this new faster computer and wireless, totally poisoning otherwise very completable projects and hey, maybe even money makers?  

On that note, off I go.

plain hard to get

Well, I'm pretty sure "routine" is killing me slowly.  While each day tends to bring something different, there are elements that make one feel like the one before it and the one before that.  If not for weekends and vacation, rountine would truly make time stand still.  Repetition within routine is worse; luckily I can't say repetition plays a part in my every day routine.

I've had the hardest time lately accepting that the average human (I'm thinking in terms of the average citizen of the US type of human) was meant only to work, make money, spend money to live, have a family that you need more money for, retire (not so much of this anymore!), then die.  The line "it's a living" bugs the crap out of me.  You go to work the same time and leave the same time and eat lunch at the same time every day.  How societies formed around this idea and not one based on the quality of life people are living is a crying shame.

It was after college, at 22, that I was sent out into "the real world" to obtain work, sent on my path to reach the promised land built around "retirement age".  At this point I'm feeling more confident I'll see a unicorn then a social security, medicare or medicaid check; maybe I will if I'm on the right meds.

From the many, many stories I've heard and things I've witnessed the people most in-line with being able to sit back and just live are those with "problems".  Those people who society has judged unable to function in our society.  I've always wondered what type of place it would be if "normal" meant being autistic or having Downes Syndrome or a nervous tick, stutter or learning disability.  Personally I think it'd be a happier place.  As in my most recent post, we've maybe this world into a mess.  "Smart people" created all of these things that are helping to destroy ourselves.  Makes ya think, doesn't it?