Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot. - Charlie Chaplin

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

stupidly scared?

That being said, I wanted to finish it now, but know I can't; it was totally one of those posts spawned from a moment that I can't replicate. This post I started a week before my son was born.  You'll note the line "having a baby in less then two weeks", and we did, he was 10 days early.  I'll save the rest for after your read the post.

I did it now.  I decided to look at the Walt Disney World website.  That may not seem like a big deal and some of you may be asking, "Matt...why?  Where could he be going with this?"  Surrounded by baby stuff, cute everythings starring back with plastic eyes and knit smiles, I had a flashbacks.  My parents took us to Walt Disney World a total of 4 times growing up; I think I was 13 the last time.  We rarely went to any shore or beach.  Never crossed the Mississippi or ate shrimp and grits.  No, we headed down 95 South, flew and took a train to the most magical place on earth.

While part of me has thought how it would have been nice to explore and see more on the "big" family vacations, the other side of my brain wants to go  I think it's that total fantasy that Disney is about.  Made up worlds and characters created to stir up imagination and joy . . . pure, joy.

So here I sit, just moments ago having looked the website, but I got no further then clicking on two tabs then I had to close it out and get on here.  I had all kinds of sad, bummed out thoughts crash in on me.  Why?  This is Disney Matt!  Remember?  Joy!  Pure Joy!?  Yeah, I remembered, then thought about how here we are diving into buying a house, in two days and having a baby in less then two weeks (well, OK I know around then).  All's I see are dollar bills, plastered over day care doors, buckled into car seats, running the length of wiring and plumbing.  I imagine not being able to take my kid to Disney, and that sucks.

I guess I feel I lost something out of all those trips.  I drew, I drew a lot.  I wanted to be an animator or "imagineer" for Disney.  I wanted to create things that brought smiles on and entertained and made memories. 
OK, there is it.  We closed on our house in the hospital, the day after our little guy was born.  The next week we celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.  A week and a half later, my birthday.  Pile it on!  Pile it high!  I've survived so far.  I didn't realize that the scariest thing was going back to work after being on paternity leave for two weeks.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

hues and tints in action

When a day starts out with a dark sky and a gray mindset, it's nice to find reward in whatever way I can.  One thing I always tell myself is to not to neglect others or put tasks or my job just because I'm in a crappy mood.  It's not fair to them.  I'm tired, but feeling that whatever energy I have should be expended on something positive, like making someone else's day easier.  It's like some soap added into the wash water to help take some of that gray staining my mindset.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

absurdity well worth it

Having just become a dad only just over 10 days ago, a part of me that went dormant due to work, "real-life", stress and all that great stuff has come out again.  I've become nicely tenderized by the flurry of sickeningly adorable onesy with bear head feet, stuffed animals, baby smells and children's books.  I've gotten goofy (yeah, I know, more like goofier, still not the same as dorky) and want to see my little guy smile at it so badly...all in time, I know he'll be rolling his eyes at me as a teenage in no time.  It got me to begin writing some fun poems that were inspired by family, friends and events that only came about due to "baby gatherings" - pre and post birth.  So here's a sampling, all due to my brother:

I lost my ring at the wigwam build
About an hour ago now
I took it off, dropped it in my pocket
Thinking I'd keep it safe and sound

I lost my ring at the wigwam build
Checked my pants, coat and shirt
Found only, oh no! a hole!
Some lint and some dirt

I lost my wing at the wigwam build
Now my stomach begins to ache,
My tongue is numbing
And my hands tremble and shake

I wost my wing at the wigwam build
Picked through the branches weally well
I doubt it'll ever be found
If this is where it fell!

I lost my wing and hope at the wigwam build
My wegs now dangle from da car twunk
HoooWaah! this woooks like it!
Perhaps my ship hasn't sunk!

I found my ring in my car, at the wigwam build
I couldn't be more happy or pleased
Now to leave this wigwam behind, where are my keys?!

Siiiigh, I wost my keys at the wigwam build . . .

Copyright Matt Mickletz 2011